Dad Jokes
The best, funniest, corniest dad jokes.
Classics, food jokes, animal jokes, and enough science-nerd puns to embarrass a kid at any dinner table. Groans not guaranteed — they're basically the whole point.
Joke of the Day
Hi hungry, I'm Dad.
The Classics
- Hi hungry, I'm Dad.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
- Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
- Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
- I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
Food Jokes
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- I made a pun about pizza. It was a little cheesy.
- What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
- What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
- Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
Animal Jokes
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why don't oysters share? Because they're shellfish.
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
- Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had drumsticks.
- What do you call a dog that does magic? A labracadabrador.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- I saw a horse the other day wearing a jacket. I asked, 'Why the get up?'
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Science & Tech Jokes
- Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
- I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
- Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
- Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
- I sold my vacuum cleaner. It was just collecting dust.
- Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the Nobel prize.
- What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
- Why don't scientists trust stairs? Because they're always up to something.
- How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
Dad Jokes for Kids
- What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
- Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school.
- What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
- Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- What do you call a bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear.
- Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
- What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.
Work & Adult Life Jokes
- My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
- I applied for a job at the calendar factory. They said they needed someone for the long term.
- I was going to give up smoking as a New Year's resolution, but that was a bit of a stretch.
- Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold, hard cash.
- I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
- What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
- Why did the man take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains.
- I told my printer a joke yesterday. It didn't get it either.
Christmas Dad Jokes
- What do you call an elf who can sing? A wrapper.
- Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho, ho, ho.
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
- What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
- Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
- What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.
- Why couldn't the Christmas tree stand up? It had no legs, just a trunk.
Halloween Dad Jokes
- Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
- What do you call a witch's garage? A broom closet.
- Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
- What's a ghost's favorite dessert? I-scream.
- What do you call a pumpkin that works out? A jacked-o-lantern.
- What did one pumpkin say to the other? Cut it out.
- Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite.
- What's a vampire's least favorite food? A steak.
Birthday Dad Jokes
- Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
- Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's hard to put them on the bottom.
- Why did the birthday boy bring a ladder to his party? Because he heard the drinks were on the house.
- What do you call an old snowman's birthday? A meltdown.
- How do you organize a birthday party in space? You planet.
- What did the balloon say to the pin? Hi, buddy.
Knock-Knock Dad Jokes
- Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's cold out here.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Aw, don't cry, it's just a joke.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c— MOO!
- Knock knock. Who's there? Woo. Woo who? Wow, didn't know you were this excited.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you and I miss you.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a really bad joke.
Thanksgiving Dad Jokes
- Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken.
- What key has legs and can't open doors? A turkey.
- What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing wing.
- Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
- What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky.
Star Wars Dad Jokes
- Why did Darth Vader cross the road? To get to the dark side.
- What do you call Chewbacca when he's got chocolate stuck in his hair? Chewy.
- Why was Yoda such a good gardener? He had a green thumb.
- How do Star Wars fans greet each other on May the fourth? May the fourth be with you.
- Why did R2-D2 feel lonely? Because he couldn't C-3PO.
Dad Jokes About Books
- Why did the librarian slip and fall? She was in the non-fiction section.
- I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I can't put it down.
- What do you call a story about a broken pencil? Pointless.
- Why don't books ever get cold? They wear jackets.
- What did the book say to the librarian? Can I check you out?
Frequently asked questions
- What makes a joke a "dad joke"?
- A dad joke is short, relies on a pun or obvious wordplay, and is funny specifically because of how corny it is. The groan is part of the punchline.
- Why do dads tell so many of these?
- Because the groan is the whole point. A good dad joke isn't measured by a laugh — it's measured by how hard everyone tries not to give you the satisfaction of one.
- Can I actually use these on my kids?
- That's what they're here for. Pick one, deploy it at dinner, and enjoy the eye roll — it means it worked.